The Patchie Guide to Dressing Modestly (What to Wear When You Want to Stay Respectful)

What to wear… what to wear…? Often, it’s a trivial question with the answer dictated by:

• What’s clean/dry?
• How hot is it outside?
• Is it going to rain later? (Spoiler alert if you live in Melbourne – yes)

Simple, largely inconsequential, and seldom at risk of offending others…

But hang on; you’ve just booked a trip to Egypt(opens in a new tab). Or Uzbekistan(opens in a new tab). Or Iraq(opens in a new tab). And now there are more weighty questions at play:

• Do I need to cover my whole body so I don’t offend anyone?
• Will I get in trubs if I don’t wear a headscarf?
• What the deuce do I wear if I want to go swimming?
• I know I shouldn’t wear shoes, but should I wear socks at a mosque?

It’s a minefield out there, but don’t fear Patchie! Nic’s here to help – by way of lived experience, interwebs research, and harassing my Muslim friends.

To start with, though, let’s get things straight on the why. Why do we need to think about this in the first place?

Why Modesty Matters

Modesty (haya in Arabic) stems from both the Quran (the Islamic holy book) and Hadith (the Prophet Muhammad’s teachings). At its core, it’s a way to show respect for yourself and others, stay humble, and follow the guidance of those sacred texts.

As such, both men and women are encouraged to practise modesty – it’s not just a women-only rule! For men, the directive is more about averting the gaze than about clothing, but they are still expected to dress and be covered from the navel to the knees (sorry, AFL fans).

For women, it’s usually long, loose clothing that covers the arms and legs, and a headscarf where required.

These days, each individual’s decision to dress modestly predominantly reflects a choice: respect, not restriction (there are exceptions, of course). For many, it’s a statement of their faith, values, and personal identity; for others, it’s intertwined with cultural or family tradition… and for some, it’s just what feels right for them.

When visiting places where modest dress is standard, it pays to think carefully about what you wear; it’s all part of our collective responsibility. Travellers are often afforded more leeway when it comes to dress, but you don’t want to offend anyone in your host country, right?

So, what should you actually wear? Especially if you don’t want to look like you’ve raided your nanna’s wardrobe.

Maintaining The ‘You’

Don’t worry, modesty doesn’t mean abandoning your style. Ultimately (bar a few incredibly strict countries – I’m looking at you, Afghanistan), you will need to make sure your shoulders and torso are covered, and any bottoms extend beyond your knees. That gives us some flexibility.

So, first up, let’s think about what you already wear. Chances are, you’re most of the way there already. Maybe you love a maxi dress? Great! Maybe a billowing blouse and linen culottes are your go-to on a warm day? Perfect! Go with what already works for you.

Personally,  I’m a big fan of an oversized t-shirt. This served me well on a recent trip to Iraq, during which I wore a lot of my ‘normal’ clothes despite the cultural differences in attire.

But oversized isn’t for everyone. Maybe you dress like Madonna circa 1990 (and power to you if you do!)… what then? Sure, you could buy yourself a totally new modest wardrobe just for the trip.

Or, perhaps more realistically, you could invest in a few ‘capsule’ items that will serve you in multiple situations… belted beach coverups can be something of a modesty hack for the ‘western’ woman. Buy one and wear it over your usual attire.

Linen in general is a good shout – shapes tend to be unfitted, and its lightweight, breathable nature makes it ideal for hot and humid destinations. You could go high-end, but you’ll find worthy alternatives at shops that rhyme with Bay-Tart and Dig-Bubble-Moo.

And I bloody love an op shop… especially if you’re unlikely to wear the items again; buy them for your trip and donate them back once you’re done. Pre-loved doesn’t mean they can’t be loved all over again. Just like that ex from your 20s, apparently.

Islamic Apparel

Alternatively, level up your modesty game and embrace some truly Islamic attire. If that’s your jam, here are your options:

Disclaimer: This list is by no means encyclopaedic. I’ve concentrated on the most recognisable types of female Islamic clothing, but there are many, many more out there – and even those I’ve included often vary by region, culture and sect.

Abaya

A long-sleeved maxi dress to the untrained eye. Can be open or closed at the front but designed to be worn over a layer of clothes. Many will wear super comfy layers beneath, like leggings, trackies or even their PJs! Worn mostly in the Arabian Peninsula.

Shalwar Kameez with Dupatta

The classic tunic-and-trousers combo, paired with a long scarf draped over the head and shoulders, is common all over South Asia.

Chador

A full-body cloak vibe, open and held together with your hand or with a face opening. Drape it over a modest outfit for additional coverage. Most common in Iran.

Niqab

Usually, a separate piece of clothing designed to hide your face, whilst leaving your eyes uncovered. They can be fastened with ties behind the head and are typically worn with other modest clothing, such as an abaya or a long coat.

Burka

A single garment that covers your whole body from head to foot. The face is concealed, with a mesh screen over the eyes for full coverage. Most associated with Pakistan and Afghanistan.

Hijab

In English, the word hijab commonly refers to the headscarf worn to cover the hair and neck and worn alongside everyday modest clothing. There are dozens(opens in a new tab) of different ways to wear a hijab – from a simple pin beneath the chin to complex wrapped styles. Explore which you feel most comfortable with! 

NB: In Arabic, ‘hijab’ can also refer to the general principle of Islamic modesty.

But what about…

As in any culture, there are places, activities and occasions when your usual gear just won’t cut it. Wearing your Hawaiian shirt to Great Aunt ‘Fusty’ Wendy’s funeral? Probably shouldn’t. Here’s a brief guide for some of the situations you might find yourself in whilst on The Road…

Holy Cities

Think Medina, Karbala, and Mashhad – these holy cities require an upping of modesty as soon as you cross into their realm. This might mean simply adding a headscarf, but abayas are also required in some cities.

Mosques

Modest dress, accompanied by a headscarf and the removal of shoes, is enough for most ‘normal’ mosques. In some major mosques (like the Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque in Abu Dhabi), abayas or scarves are provided to guests if required. And keep your socks on.

Shrines

Some of these sites are incredibly holy amongst their respective sects. Expect to pop a chador over your outfit, tuck your hair out of sight, and even remove your make-up and nail polish. You’ll also be asked to remove your shoes, which are often stored using a ticketing system. Most people will keep their socks on, and you can sometimes borrow a chador if you’re caught short.

People’s homes

It’s common to remove your shoes before entering someone’s home in many Islamic countries. And if you are in a private home among other women, it is acceptable to remove your headscarf, even if it’s required in public.

Swimming in public

Modesty is expected on public beaches, even where male and female swimming areas are segregated. You might feel most comfortable wearing some long boardies and a long-sleeved rashie. Just nothing too neon or loud – modesty has a style component too! Some conservative countries may require full-body coverage, including a cap.

Swimming in your accommodation

If you’re lucky enough to have a pool in your hotel, you’re likely fine to wear your usual swimming attire – take care not to stumble out into the foyer wrapped in your pool towel!

What if I Get It Wrong?

Everyone is human, and locals understand that this may not be your usual custom. It would be highly unusual for a tourist to be rebuked for a minor modesty faux pas. If anything, it would be a discreet reminder that your hijab has slipped, or you forgot a button. Nothing major, and certainly nothing worth stressing over. If in doubt, take a cue from locals at more Western establishments and err on the side of being overdressed rather than under.

But ultimately, dressing respectfully is just one small part of the travel puzzle. The real magic comes from connection, exploration, and opening your heart to all the wonders a new culture has to offer.